There are so many places I visit often in my thoughts.

This one is apt for today’s situation. This might seem normal or baseless to others, but in my heart and mind, it still feels the same. A few things in life I always wanted to change as a kid were to spend more time with my mother; my dad was there with us, but he was away for work due to an Army posting. On the other hand, Mom was working too as a clerk for the Maharashtra Police.

A part of me always wanted a normal childhood and attention from parents, but this was not possible, and I sought validation from my peers. I wish things had been different back then, but I cannot really blame them for anything, as they were trying to secure our future and give us the best they could. I had my maternal grandmother, 2 uncles, and an aunt who took care of me during the day, and they did the most amazing job. But as I grew, it started hitting me.

A place I often visited in my thoughts was my happy home, where I spent some time with my parents as a kid. Once I turned 6 and my sister was born, my father retired from the Army and stayed with us. Yes, he did work again for our good, but now I had a sister and love was divided. I was still loved the same with great affection, but she was loved more, which is fair because it was her chance to seek the same kind of love. She got the attention from both of them from the very first day.

I have a daughter today, but there are some places I often visit in my mind, such as my house, where I was happily playing with my parents. Like they say, kuch paane ke liye kuch khona padta hai. I had to lose my precious years of spending quality time or getting close to my mother, like other kids. Yes, she was present for every PTM and event, but that time when we spoke our hearts out was severely missed. This was the very reason I took remote jobs and made myself available for my little one, even if it cost me time.

I have so many beautiful memories with everyone today, but I miss them even more now that I no longer live in Pune. Some vivid memories from mom’s office days include sitting in the department with the old typewriter and a page, trying to type some words. The sunlit department with her loving colleagues made me feel safe in a new place. I was that curious little girl who hoped from one table to another and learn new things.

These moments can never be explained to anyone, nor would anybody relate to or understand their importance. Today, it is her last day at work, and I so wanted to be there. I’ve been thinking about this day for almost a week now. And for the next few years — maybe for many years — I will revisit her workplace in my thoughts. That will be my version of being present on both her first and last day. Just like she once held my tiny fingers and took me along with her when I was little, today I would have held her hand and stood beside her — in the very place where she left her mark as the best employee. Some roles never retire. A mother never does. 🤍 Love you mom, Happy Retirement.

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